im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
