How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
