And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just found puke in my bra..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
