Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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