I wanna bring you to show and tell
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
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I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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