we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
