I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
