I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
