I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
