I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
