hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
