she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
