I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
