Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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