You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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