At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize