C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
