youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
