I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
