as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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