Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
