Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
