Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
