There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
