Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
