she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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