I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
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My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
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Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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