took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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