the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
