hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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