Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
