tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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