he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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