And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
