you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
