marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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