Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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