Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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