i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
