A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
