How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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