I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
