I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
