i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
