He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
