I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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