when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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