Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
