goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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