I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
