if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
