Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
