There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
