Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
