im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
