Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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