Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
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tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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