His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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