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I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
