Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
