i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
