I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
