Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
