Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I cannot find my penis.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
