She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
