I want to make a zoo with you.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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