My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
