I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
