Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
