My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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