"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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