I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
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17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?