rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
