his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
