To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
