i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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