I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
