Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
