I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Never let your siblings swipe right.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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