Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
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The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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