It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
