Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
